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In Response

Posted Thursday, June 28, 2007

MYTH-BUSTER #3

“The pastor has had an affair.”

Words have great power. It is tempting to minimize sexual misconduct by referring to it as an “affair” or an “indiscretion.” This it to deny the power and the trust invested in the clergy by members of their congregation and confuse the roles the ordained have in a congregational system. The violation of a pastoral relationship inflicts damage that affects the victim’s self image, her or his sexuality and spirituality. It is a betrayal of trust.

In an essay, “Victims/Survivors: the Healing Journey,” Patricia Liberty writes, “When clergy, who are entrusted with the sacred responsibility of empowering one’s spiritual growth and development, exploit it for their own ends, the God image and one’s own sacred interiority are deeply wounded. Roman Catholic priest and psychologist, Stephen J. Rossetti contends that clergy are the image bearers for the divine, symbolic representatives of the larger truth and reality. When clergy abuse the power entrusted to them, that abuse is categorically and fundamentally different from abuse by any other professional, lawyer, physician or therapist. When clergy act in abusive ways, the image of the divine is shattered.” This is what we take vows to shape and heal, not to desecrate.

What to do?

Prevent misconduct by appropriate self care. If you are married, tend your primary intimate partnership so that it remains healthy.

Once begun, ending sexual misconduct has much to do with creating justice and telling the truth in the congregation. In congregations where a predecessor’s sexual misconduct was known, pay attention to the language you and others use to describe it. Silence tells its own story – of shame, of complicity. Invite a consultant to help justice come from injustice and truth to spring up from silence. The Alban Institute has published, “When a Congregation is Betrayed: Responding to Clergy Misconduct.” Gather some colleagues to read and discuss it.

Food for Thought

Understanding sexual exploitation as an abuse of power “is the antidote to the notion that the pastor has had “an affair.” It is the basis for understanding how and why a seemingly private act of “sexual indiscretion” has shattered individuals, families, and the congregation.” All misconduct occurs in a context larger than private sexual behavior. ” It focuses on the professional relationship between the pastor and the congregant and the responsibilities of that relationship. In addition, by acknowledging the congregation as the setting in which the abuse occurred, it validates the feelings of betrayal that emerge in the rest of the congregation. An individual and an entire congregation are affected by this behavior.”

Patricia L. Liberty, in When a Congregation is Betrayed: Responding to Clergy Misconduct Beth Ann Gaede, Ed., (Frwd. by Pamela Cooper White) 2006, Alban Inst., ISBN 1-56699-284-2

This email was composed by the Rev. Ruth Lawson Kirk, an investigative caseworker in Child Protective Services from 1979-83, with help from the Rev. Sunny Hallanan and Ms. Barbara Blodgett . Your replies and your partnership are welcome.