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In Response

Posted Monday, March 12, 2007

MYTH-BUSTER #2

"Some Victims ask for It" About Children

• Psychologists tell us that a young person's ability to claim or recognize a need for personal boundaries is not established before their late teens. Legislators have recognized this, establishing laws that make it a criminal offense for an adult (someone over 18 in PA) to have a sexual relationship with a person who is a child in the eyes of the law (under 18). Thus, the expression, "16 will get you 20 (years in prison)." Such a sexual act with a minor is called 'statutory rape' or assault.
• A child victim is never responsible for causing abuse.
• Although victims tend to blame themselves, a child victim should not be blamed for causing abuse.
• Abusers use the tendency of a victim to blame themselves as one way of convincing the victim to maintain secrecy and silence about abuse.

What to do?
Help a victim alleviate their sense of guilt by telling them repeatedly, "You are not to blame". Non-victims should understand that "blaming the victim" will make the recovery process much more difficult and lengthy. An important issue for children is to help them deal with the fear that they will be in trouble if the abuse is discovered. Let them know that you accept them and will try to keep them safe.

Food for Thought
Children seek love, safety, affection, but generally not sexual relationships. If a child is abused in a church, the church building may represent painful memories and engender much confusion about God. "If the abuser was a male clergyperson, victims may struggle with patriarchal images of God that are reinforced by the church. They may also struggle with questions of theodicy, the age-old question of how God can be all good and all loving and all powerful when there is such evil and suffering in the world, and most particularly in their life. For many survivors, the only "answer" is that they themselves are bad, evil, and responsible for what happened. Maybe God loves other people, but not them. Sorting out who God is and who God's representative is (and is not) is a critical part of recovery for survivors. Secular therapy can address shame and blame, but the spiritual dimensions of these issues are often ignored."

Patricia L. Liberty, in
When a Congregation is Betrayed: Responding to Clergy Misconduct
Beth Ann Gaede, Editor (Foreward by Pamela Cooper White) 2006
Alban Institute Publication, ISBN 1-56699-284-2

This second email was composed by Barbara Blodgett, Diocesan Pastoral Assistant, Diocese of Pennsylvania, with assistance from The Rev. Sunny Hallanan and the Rev. Ruth Kirk. This cooperative effort is intended as a means of educating all in the diocese about the long term effects of sexual abuse and dispelling its myths. Your replies and your partnership are welcome.